Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me.
Britain can’t believe it’s December.
I'm way behind where I usually am on my to-do list, and it's my first time seeing this notification. I have to assume these two things are connected and therefore what the notification actually means is “omg, get your shit together, Jason” https://t.co/1IWg3iCZw2
Who knew you could Doordash Home Depot? https://t.co/Q0Mh00zCkB
Let’s take a minute to appreciate ‘cappuccino’ in Welsh. https://t.co/U2KmdfNjve
If standard shipping arrives tomorrow, what's express shipping? For those occasions when you only have an hour to get a pre-lit Christmas tree or Santa won't have anywhere to leave the presents? https://t.co/UgKUq1RdZc
working on myspace
i truly believe that i will usher in a new era of peace and prosperity when i get every single post on hthis fucking website deleted by 2022
Securing my username in case a supervillain takes over twitter and destroys it from the inside. Y'know, seems prudent. mstdn.ca/@jaywll
Thank you, mysterious stranger that took time our of your walk to school to retrieve our wayward garbage cans after all the wind last night 💨 https://t.co/C9Pmty2zDU
Report Confirms Anyone Who Really Likes A Politician Is Insane bit.ly/3MNLlVF https://t.co/117p05KPxV
There's a reason you always have room for dessert - your stomach expands in contact with sugar.
The 3 hardest things to say:
1. “I was wrong.”
2. “I need help.”
3. “Worcestershire sauce.”
I want to stress that Kyiv’s off peak frequency while being invaded is better than nearly all of America’s transit systems during peak. I’m genuinely at a loss of words. https://t.co/kySKx2QK1g
The funny thing about this tweet is that I accidentally drowned the succulent I originally had on my desk, and the plant actually *is* a cactus.
On the other hand, is it actually funny if I have to explain the inside joke I have between my desk plant and I? Maybe debatable. twitter.com/JasonsPlant/st…
It’s definitely got chillier.
“I forgot where our office building is, and I’m too afraid to ask.” — Nolan Sheppard (Sales Rep) bit.ly/3A4qCYP
The Seán O'Casey bridge in Dublin was designed to swing open to allow ships to pass through.
It stayed closed for four years after the operator lost the remote control.
(Image: Peter Misik; CC BY-SA.) https://t.co/8laWccR5Ag
🤣 "It’s political correctness gone mad" - reaction as the UK appoints first simpleton Prime Minister flip.it/3kqjzi
The cloudiest city in the US gets more sunlight than the sunniest city in England.
Wife cracks open her eye ever so slightly at 6am
Me: what we thinkin for dinner?! We have those pork chops in the freezer or I could make soup. I’d never turn down pizza either haha
absolutely the best thing you'll see all day, month, year, century https://t.co/lOT0cFdie6
5.1 l/100km. I managed to get it down to 5.0 at one point, but I haven't managed to crack into the 4s yet. https://t.co/wUFgX3khRQ
We are speechless. Today we had the highest amount of vet requests come in. From 6:30am to 3pm we had 17 calls. We are sad that we won’t be able to support everyone. Our donations have reached new lows and we are doing our best to manage the growing need for our programs
In response to the raid on his property, Trump's personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani is holding a press conference at the Ritz https://t.co/elnqHcf1qC